


Satellite of Love

by London9Calling



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, Okay Luhan bought a freaking Satellite so I had to, Restraints, Sex Toys, Smut, Teasing, This is crack with smut at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 00:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16051706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/London9Calling/pseuds/London9Calling
Summary: Minseok knows what he wants, and Lu Han does too. Minseok makes money cuddling and Lu Han…. well, he has a satellite.





	Satellite of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Because Lu Han up and bought a freaking satellite, named it RE:X and my brain is trash. Enjoy.

Yixing sighed, a heavy noise that was covered up by the hum of Lu Han’s Hello Kitty desktop radio, some cheap hot pink prize he won eons ago at a street carnival. It stood out among the expensive paperweights and luxury desk accessories that surrounded it.  Lu Han’s fingers flew over the keyboard a few inches to the left of the radio, his eyes glued to the extra wide monitor. Yixing could only guess what the screen displayed. 

“Have you thought, I don’t know, about asking the person who hosted the party for his number?” Yixing asked, tenting his fingers together on habit. When he was talking to an impossibly stubborn Lu Han specific body language just came out, whether he was aware of it or not. 

Lu Han didn’t look away from the screen. “Don’t you think it would be awkward to do that?” he replied, still typing fast and furious. 

Yixing looked away. Bit his lip, held back from pointing out how awkward Lu Han’s current plan was. He settled for, “How about a private investigator then, something to keep it secret?”

“I don’t trust them,” Lu Han answered without missing a beat. 

“Have you searched online for him? Maybe he has Facebook.”

“Yeah, but I don’t have Facebook so it won’t matter,” Lu Han hummed. 

“Do any of your friends know him?”

“I don’t know, doubt it though,” Lu Han answered. 

“What party was it again?”

“Charity thing.”

“And you can’t just find out who was on the guest list and get his phone number from there?” Yixing countered, frustration mounting. 

Finally, Lu Han’s fingers stopped moving. He looked over his monitor, making eye contact with his best friend and only real confident. Old school chums, college roommates, partners in crime. “Yixing,” Lu Han started, speaking slowly. “There is a such a thing as social norms. Being polite.  _ Manners _ . I am not a weirdo, I am not rude, and I don’t like to make things awkward. So, I am doing this the polite way.”

Yixing threw his hands up. “Sending a satellite into space to spy on some guy you met at a party is  _ not _ polite!”

Lu Han clucked his tongue. “I feel sorry for the first person you have a crush on.”

“A spy satellite is not normal!” Yixing shouted, eyes wide. “Asking for his number after you met him is normal. Looking for his Facebook and sending him a message is normal! This. Is. Not. Normal!”

It was Lu Han’s turn to sigh. “Look, just make sure you wire the payment to the aerospace company. That’s all I am asking you. My love life is at stake, Yixing. This is extremely important.”

Yixing opened his mouth to protest further but couldn’t find the words. “Fine. Fine. Do what you want. Just don’t come whining to me when Russia shoots down your satellite and you start some freaking war because you couldn’t just Facebook stalk like everyone else.”

“Oh, that would make him like Helen of Troy, wouldn’t it?” Lu Han stopped typing and leaned back in his seat, eyes going glassy as he stared off into the distance. “The man who launched a thousand satellites or something.”

Yixing stood up and stalked from the office without another word. 

  
  


Shim Changmin smelled like the same fabric softener Minseok used to use. The one that came in the purple bottle, that Minseok loved until it made him break out in a rash a few summers back. It was a faint smell, not unpleasant, but recognizable. Changmin’s arms were well defined, firm, and taut. He usually wore t-shirts, soft fabrics, and distressed jeans. Minseok could probably visualize his wardrobe with eighty percent accuracy by now, having had him as a client for almost a year. And Minseok fit perfectly in his arms, his arms wrapped around Changmin’s middle. 

In Minseok’s mental ranking, Changmin was a nine. He was respectful. He never tried anything. He talked, but it was never about anything overtly distressing. He never once grabbed Minseok’s ass or offered to pay him more for a good time. 

Minseok honestly wished he had more clients like Changmin. More often than not, when he brought on anyone new, he ended up with some guy or girl who wanted in his pants. Sure, arousal happened, and it could be expected, but it was how the client handled it that mattered. Pushing the matter was a huge red flag and one that Minseok wouldn’t tolerate. 

He couldn’t even remember how many clients he had only a consultation visit with before dropping them because they had blatantly ignored his rules, deciding he was no doubt a prostitute in disguise. 

He wasn’t. His business card was accurate. He was a Professional Cuddler, one of the best in the city. He charged upwards of one hundred an hour because he could, because his clients raved about his cuddling abilities. The reviews on his website could be mistaken for those describing a pet but were accurate.  _ Soft, cute, warm, reassuring.  _

It was an unusual career; one Minseok had fallen into quite by mistake. A biochem degree had gone nowhere in a lousy job market. He tried retail and hated it. And then an ex-boyfriend (and still a friend), sent him an article on professional cuddling one day. “You’re the best cuddler I know lol.”

He hemmed and hawed over it for a week before he decided to take the chance. That had been three years ago, and he hadn’t regretted it. Now he could afford a nice, albeit still small apartment. He had made some good friends. He had a steady client base and the hours weren’t too bad if he was selective (and he could be). It was a win-win. 

Professionally, it was great. Personally, well. That was a different matter. Minseok’s personal life was rich with friends, but his romantic life was as dry as the Sahara, a fact that his best friend, Jongdae, never failed to bring up at regular intervals. 

This time it was over coffee, early afternoon, when Minseok had the day off and Jongdae was still firmly entrenched in his summer break from teaching. The little corner cafe, replete with salarymen and women taking a late lunch, a few stray students, and an old coffee klatch in a corner, was the venue. 

Minseok could admit he probably had it coming, making the mistake of asking, “So, how’s Baekhyun these days?”

Baekhyun and Jongdae had been dating for two years and to this day, Baekhyun was still one of Jongdae’s favorite subjects. Because love is great, or something. Minseok wasn’t so sure, but Jongdae sure tried to sell him on the idea. 

“Hyung, when are you going to find someone?” Jongdae asked, voice in the lilting half-whine that Minseok had come to feel a strange tug of affection toward. 

Minseok shrugged, stirring his straw in his iced coffee, staring down at the clinking ice cubes. “I’m busy. I don’t have time to date right now.” He said it; even he didn’t believe it. He had time, but he was okay with being single. He preferred it to having a string of failed relationship. 

“You work less than I do, and I have three months off a year,” Jongdae countered. “Plus, like, doesn’t all that cuddling make you lonely?”

Minseok rolled his eyes. “No, it doesn’t. And no, I don’t. I work far more than you do.”

“You work like two hours a day.” Jongdae reached across the small cafe table, patting Minseok’s hand. “You deserve to be happy, Hyung. Hasn’t anyone caught your eye lately?”

Minseok shook his head. Nope. No one. Not a single person he could think of. Not a client (because he never dared to go there with them, plus he had never been inclined). Not a person he met out running errands. Not one of the people at the one social event he had begrudgingly attended this year. Some charity bazaar for the big company Baekhyun worked for (he hated going out, but Baekhyun had the saddest puppy dog eyes when he wanted something). 

Granted, there was the one guy at the charity thing, but Minseok couldn’t remember his name for the life of him. He was very attentive for the ten minutes they conversed, mentioning soccer, piquing Minseok’s interest for a moment. He was as close to a might-want-to-know-you-better as Minseok had lately, but it didn’t matter. He would never see him again. 

“Wow. You and your high standards.” Jongdae whistled. “You must really be looking for Mr. Perfect.”

Minseok shook his head again. He didn’t take offense to it, because he knew he did have high standards. “No, I just don’t want to waste time on someone when I know it won’t work.”

“Clean. Preferably invested in their career. Passionate about football. It would be nice if they like TVXQ. A little taller but not much taller. Around the same age. Cute face but not too cute. Should like cute things. Not too much muscle.” Jongdae held up his hand, counting with each finger as he rattled off the criteria Minseok had once listed on a dating site years back. “Must like cats. I realize the importance of physical affection and like to cuddle so great if you do too. Fan of odd numbers. Beer and chicken fan. Likes to exercise” Jongdae let his hand fall to the table. “Seriously, if there is one person on this earth who fits all of your criteria I will be amazed.”

“If there isn’t, I’ll just stay single,” Minseok hummed, his mind involuntarily wandering back to the man at the charity event. He had been a pretty good height, and his face was on the cute side….

“You’ll be single forever.” Jongdae sighed. 

“Maybe. But hey, at least I won’t waste my time.” Minseok smiled, raising the straw to his lips he sucked down a healthy gulp of iced coffee. Swallowing, he smacked his lips. “Ah, they have to like coffee too! That’s a must.”

“How did you even come up with such specific things?” Jongdae asked. “I mean, like what does it matter if they don’t like chicken and beer?”

“I know what I like, okay,” Minseok said, voice low and serious. He narrowed his eyes at his friend, glaring at him. It passed in a second, his gummy smile flashing, expression relaxing into one of amusement.  

Jongdae clucked his tongue. “You know Hyung; sometimes you are scary.”

  
  


No matter what Yixing said about him, Lu Han knew he wasn't impolite. He was efficient.  _ Respectful _ . He certainly couldn’t have asked the man for his number right away! That would have seemed creepy. The most he could do is get his name, which he had done. 

_ Kim Minseok _ . Now known on random scraps of paper as  _ Lu Kim Minseok  _ because Lu Han had taken to writing Minseok’s name with his family name, not unlike a preteen girl and her celebrity crush, replete with clusters of hearts. 

Everything was going according to plan. The satellite was  launched; now it just had to find the object of Lu Han’s affections. It shouldn’t be a problem since he had managed to learn the general location Minseok lived in while they made small talk. 

_ Glorious small talk. _ With his pink lips and his mesmerizing eyes and that little mole by his lips and  Lu Han wavered between wanting to kiss him and nibble on him and okay, maybe he was being  _ a little  _ weird. 

Lu Han cleared his throat. He was sitting in his office, the oversized space that had a killer view of the river, only minorly obscured by the skyscraper next door. He didn’t like to brag that he owned the building next door, because that would seem a bit outlandish considering he owned the building his office was in too. And a few others. 

And now a satellite. Inheriting a chemical engineering company from an uncle was a lot more fortuitous than Lu Han had initially assumed it would be.  For example, The Satellite. He bought it with one phone call, and before the week was out, it was launched into the atmosphere, ready to help Lu Han find the man of his dreams. Aside from the occasional jokes about Lu Han belonging in a poorly written drama due to his cash-flush circumstance and occasionally prickly personality, it was a fantastic situation to be in. 

Now, his lucky satellite just had to zoom in on one particular area of the city, take thousands or maybe millions of pictures, and then the team he hired to analyze the data could figure out which little dot was Lu Han’s future husband. Such a simple plan.

“I can’t believe I’m going to get married soon,” Lu Han whispered, a smile on his face. No doubt, he decided, once he met Minseok again, the man would agree to their wedding. He would have to. Lu Han was smooth. Determined. A great catch. 

And hopelessly in love to boot. 

  
  
  


Seulgi was nice. She liked long hugs and being held. Her hair usually smelled like hairspray and the perfume she wore. She loved baggy clothes, sweatpants and long t-shirts. Minseok usually went to her house for their session, but sometimes she came to his. One of the rare clients Minseok would allow to do so. 

Today they were out and about. It was warm out, the haze of summer seeping into each area of the city. If you dressed appropriately, it wasn’t unbearable to be outside, and it wasn’t unpleasant. At least not in the parks, where the flowers were in bloom. It was early afternoon, most children’s naptimes, leaving the usually bustling playgrounds less chaotic. Minseok met Seulgi near the small human made lake, where she had a blanket spread out near the shore. 

She told him about her week while they cuddled on the blanket.  Simple things, like how her mother finally decided she could sell her second car, or how her baby niece was talking now. Minseok listened politely, enjoying his time outdoors. Seulgi moved a lot. Liked to go from a quick hug to scooting over, lounging about while Minseok listened to her talk. It was comfortable like it was with all of his regular clients. 

“Enough about me. How was your week?” Seulgi asked, scooting closer for a hug. 

“Same old, same old,” Minseok replied, opening his arms to let Seulgi slide closer.

“You know, we should meet outdoors more often. This is nice,” she said softly.

Minseok readily agreed. 

  
  
  


Daniel was tall, and if Minseok was honest, the man reminded him of an overgrown puppy. He had shaggy hair he dyed blonde, a never-ending bit of energy, a wide goofy smile, and an eagerness to please. Daniel was one of his favorites. He liked long hugs, bear hugs, the crushing kind. It always made Minseok giggle, how excited he would be to hug him tight for a minute before letting him go. The rest of the time they talked or watched television. Sometimes they held hands. 

This time was a bit different. They met for a baseball game near where Daniel worked, another client eager to get outdoors while the weather was beautiful. They chatted, Minseok eating his fill of wings, their hands intertwining now and then. Daniel seemed happy, and Minseok was delighted for him. When he left at the bottom of the fifth inning, he didn’t have to check his phone to know Daniel had already booked their next session. 

  
  


“Let me just ask you this,” Yixing said, fingers thrumming on the conference room table. He had been cooped up with Lu Han for the better part of the afternoon, mulling over upcoming projects until Lu Han called a break time. “When you find him on your creepy satellite, then what?”

Lu Han was looking at the feed from said creepy satellite, hence the question. He looked away from the shifting images, making eye contact with his best friend. “Well, then I go manage to meet him. Make it accidental. Say hey-we-met-at-a-party-want-to-get-married? Also, my satellite is not creepy.”

“I think what you are doing is illegal, you know.” Yixing sighed. “Stalking, probably some kind of telecommunications crime as well.”

“Is love illegal, Yixing? Is love so bad?” Lu Han asked, brow furrowing. “Is love not the answer?”

“I need a vacation,” Yixing muttered, knowing better than to keep talking about Lu Han’s creepy satellite. 

  
  


Lu Han had instructed them to call him day or night once they had a good lead, a verifiable trace on the man of his dreams. The call came in a few days later, around two in the afternoon. He was spotted; they were tracking him, now Lu Han just had to run into him entirely by accident and profess his love like the not-creep he is. Simple. 

Lu Han canceled his meetings for the afternoon and with his cell phone glued to his ear, took direction on where he could find his dream man. 

He didn’t bother to ask much about what the man was doing, or what they had seen him do before they called. He didn’t care. They would have a lifetime together to talk about their lives before. All Lu Han needed to do was see the love of his life. 

The taxi dropped him off at a park, some neighborhood green space that wasn’t anything to write home about. There were softball pitches, a football field with some local kids playing, and a cheap looking jungle gym. And then a little path, around a surprisingly maintained garden. That is where he would find the love of his life. 

Lu Han finally let the call drop. He smoothed his hands over his dress shirt and took a deep breath. One step, two steps, a casual stride like he was just out for a walk. Totally not creepy. Down the path, towards his future. Towards the most fantastic man he had ever laid eyes on.

Wait, what was the most amazing man doing?! Lu Han stopped short, shocked at the sight before him. 

Was he hugging someone? Was he cuddling into her side, arm around her shoulders as they chatted in a low voice? Lu Han stopped in his tracks, standing awkwardly in the middle of the path, jaw going slack. 

Kim Minseok. Was. Not. Alone. 

Kim Minseok’s arm slid slowly from the woman’s shoulders to her back. He smiled at her, and she smiled back before reaching over and hugging him once again. 

Lu Han felt his chest tighten, heartbeat thrumming in his ears. He couldn’t look away. He couldn’t.... he had drawn so many hearts around his name! Big hearts. Little hearts. Cute ones he took too much time on. 

He stood there, shocked, dumbfounded, for the better part of two minutes. He only moved when a soccer ball hit him on the leg, courtesy of the kids on the nearby field being overeager with their kick. He cursed, kicked the ball back their way, and stormed off, heart in a million pieces. 

  
  


“What about  _ him _ ?” Baekhyun asked, nodding towards the lanky guy leaning on the bar. 

“ _ What _ about him?” Minseok asked, taking a handful of popcorn from the basket in the middle of the pub table. He shoved it in his mouth, flicking away the crumbs that fell on his shirt. The football game was playing on seven different screens around the sports bar. The bar was packed, each table crowded. Jongdae had barely managed to snag them a table, having gotten there before Baekhyun and Minseok both got off work. 

“He’s nice,” Baekhyun said. “Especially his ass.”

Minseok glanced over at the-nice-ass then looked back at his friend. “Not really my type.”

“Seriously?” Baekhyun sighed. “I think all the cuddling you do has gone to your head.”

“No, his list of criteria for a boyfriend longer than the bible has gone to his head,” Jongdae cut in, grabbing for the popcorn. “Which is why he will die alone.”

“I have my cat,” Minseok shot back. “So I won’t be alone. “

  
  


Lu Han’s fingers flew over the keys. Behind him, the floor to ceiling windows of his office showed a lovely site. A warm summer day, the river pristine. His Hello Kitty radio hummed a pop song, and his best friend sat across the desk from him, fingers predictably tented. 

“Lu Han,” Yixing began slowly. “It is extra illegal to buy missiles from Russia to shoot at the person who um…” He paused, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “I can’t even say it.”

“People, you mean? The woman who stole my man? And the man who stole my man? And that other man who stole my man?” Lu Han finished for him. He had received all the pictures. The love of his life had a veritable harem of people he gallivanted around with. It was...it was...he couldn’t even think about it without feeling like he had a heart attack. 

“Yes. Whatever. You can’t bomb anyone.”

“Well, I mean, technically I can. I have the money so--”

Yixing held his hand up, shoving it in Lu Han’s face. “No, you can’t. No. bombing. It is very illegal and just wrong. Horribly wrong. Even more wrong than the spy satellite.”

Lu Han leaned back in his chair, rolling it away a few inches from his desk. He looked at Yixing, a thoughtful expression his face. “I don’t see why.”

“Of course you don’t.” Yixing dragged his hand through his hair. “Just, no bombs, okay. Promise me. And you don’t even know who these people are. This is why the satellite was a bad idea. You are jumping to conclusions.”

“What about a small bomb?” Lu Han challenged. 

“No bombs. Of any size.”

Lu Han grumbled. “Fine. But then you work to fix this.”

“Whatever. Just don’t kill anyone.” Yixing stood, taking one last look at his best friend. “Seriously, this is getting out of hand.”

“My heart is broken, Yixing. Broken,” Lu Han sing-songed. “Broken,” he whispered, looking out towards the river. “Broken.”

  
  


Minseok blinked. He read the application twice before he could even claim to begin to understand what the request entailed. He had a very rigid procedure for new clients. Fill out a form, submit to an in-person interview. Minseok needed to know what he was getting into before he took anyone on. In turn, the client needed to set expectations and boundaries as well as agree to respect Minseok’s.

Usually one read through of the application would have Minseok calling the prospective client to move to the next step, supposing they were not a total creep on paper. But this…

“This is for my friend. He might be a bit unbalanced, but he is really a great guy. He could use a hug. Never talk to him about satellites or missiles, please I beg of you.” That was what was written in the _ Why are you interested in my services _ section and it only got weirder from there. 

_ I might as well just tell you everything. He saw you at a party and thinks you guys are soul mates. Do you remember a Chinese man, wears shoe lifts, has his hair dyed brown? When he laughs, his jaw looks disjointed. He talks a lot about soccer and stuff. He looks young too, like a teenager kind of. He tells dumb jokes. Ring a bell? It was at a charity event. _

Minseok furrowed his brow. Chinese man. Disjointed jaw…. The charity Bazaar! The guy who he talked to for ten minutes while he waited for the best time to slip out, figuring he had fulfilled his socialization quota for the year, not leaving anything for Baekhyun to complain about. He had been kind of cute. 

_ I am seriously afraid he is going to start a war. Can you meet with him for a few minutes? If he proposes to you right away turn him down, I mean unless you want to say yes. I just need him to stop moping around and staring pensively at the river while talking about heartbreak. We have a business to run.  _

_ PS Please don’t ask how I found your name or business.  _

The submission was complete with a phone number. Minseok chewed his bottom lip, wondering what to do. The entire thing sounded like a practical joke. Someone was surely playing a trick on him, probably Jongdae or more likely Baekhyun and Jongdae.  He sighed.

But maybe it wasn’t a joke. Maybe it was a very bizarre, but genuine situation. Maybe someone was in love with him, a strange love at first sight situation that he really couldn’t fathom. 

“But what if he doesn’t like cats?” Minseok whispered, suddenly intrigued. 

 

“Yixing, why are you so weird?” Lu Han drawled, hand on the window button of his sedan. His best friend was standing outside, crouched down, pleading for the umpteenth time for Lu Han to get out of the car and go to the meeting. 

“Just, just go inside. Now. Please. For both of us. For the world, no one wants another war,” Yixing said, hand gripping the glass, so Lu Han couldn’t raise the window without crushing his hand. 

Lu Han stared past his friend, towards the nondescript coffee shop. He had never set foot in the place in his life. It was one of those small, cramped places he usually avoided because it smelled weird and the coffee was usually shit. Why Yixing had set up a meeting with a missile supplier here, he had no idea. He had already found a person who would sell him Russian rockets for a steal of a price. A face to face meeting seemed like a waste of time. 

“If you don’t go inside I will smash your Hello Kitty radio,” Yixing threatened. 

Lu Han’s eyes went wide. “You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.”

Lu Han made it into the coffee shop before a minute ticked by, Yixing patting him on the back as he rushed past. 

When the door clanged shut behind him, a string of bells smacking the glass, Lu Han felt like he had made a mistake. The place was nearly deserted, only a teenager barista behind the counter, eying Lu Han up like he didn’t belong there. No Soviet missile dealers in sight. 

Lu Han cleared his throat and approached. Perhaps the teenager had the weapons of mass destruction he needed to mend his broken heart. A teenage barista gig was a clever disguise, after all. 

“Excuse me,” Lu Han began, making eye contact with the pockmarked teenager. “I am here looking for—”

“Lu Han?”

The voice was like rainbows dancing on unicorn horns, sent by a herd of Care Bears. A symphony of Lu Han’s heart. The most magical sound of money entering his bank account. The noise made by baby bunnies when they frolicked in a meadow. Probably. Lu Han didn’t know if bunnies made sounds. 

Lu Han whirled around, his heart racing _. Kim Minseok.  _

Kim Minseok was standing a few feet from him, hands in his jeans pockets. His black hair was styled up, away from his face. His face – Lu Han couldn’t look elsewhere. Full cheeks, pink lips, a small mouth. That mole. His oversized yellow sweatshirt made him look entirely like a word that Lu Han couldn’t pinpoint but was somewhere between devourable and soulmate. 

“I understand you wanted to meet me,” Minseok said, eyebrow-raising slightly. “I think we talked at a party once. A charity thing like a month ago.”

Lu Han opened his mouth, but words would not leave his suddenly parched lips. The love of his life was a few feet from him, staring at him expectantly. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. So, he blurted out the first thing that popped into his mind. 

“Please, leave your harem and marry me.”

Dead silence. Even the teenage barista seemed to stop moving about. Even the hum of the coffee grinder went quiet. Time stood still. 

“Excuse me?” Minseok asked, expression approaching mortified. 

“Your harem, I am better than them. I own a business and jets and people tell me I have a huge penis for my height, not that height and penis size are correlated, it’s a myth. Please, run away with me. I love you.” Lu Han’s mouth moved of its own volition, and every word that escaped his lips seemed to make things more confusing, not less. 

Minseok took a step back. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Look, I was trying to do your friend a favor since he said you kind of had a crush on me. I um, I didn’t realize- “

“What do you like? I can buy it for you. Cats? Coffee? Soccer? I own a team,” Lu Han rambled. It was a bad habit, one he tended to do when nervous. “You want a gym? I own a gym too.”

Minseok stopped backing up. “You do?”

Lu Han nodded. “Yes. I um, I own a couple. Look, I probably seem pretty awkward to you.”

“Yeah,” Minseok readily agreed. His hands were still in his pockets. He rocked on the balls of his feet, looking anxious. “You actually seem borderline insane if I am being honest. Or maybe just really bad at talking to people. Do you have a cat?”

“Two.” Lu Han held up two fingers.

Minseok smiled, a gummy smile that made Lu Han’s chest constrict. It was a bizarre sensation. “Okay. Do you like beer and chicken?”

“Yeah. How did you know?” Lu Han asked, tilting his head to the side. 

Another smile flashed on Minseok’s face. Lu Han was pretty sure this was the best day ever. “Do you want to get a cup of coffee and chat for a minute?” Minseok offered. 

Lu Han nodded, never having said yes to something so quickly in his life. Suddenly Soviet missile dealers were the last thing on his mind. 

  
  


An hour later and Lu Han was confident, not that he had any doubts to begin with. Kim Minseok was his soulmate. He was everything he wanted in a significant other. Cute, funny. Quiet sometimes. A person who was a good listener when Lu Han was rambling on about Soviet-era missiles and how cheap you could find them online. He liked coffee, and he seemed to be interested in Lu Han. And he didn’t even bat an eyelash when Lu Han told him about that embarrassing time in high school when he caught mono from a water fountain. 

But all good things must come to an end. Minseok checked his phone, sighing. “I’m sorry Lu Han, but I have a work thing I need to get to. It was fun talking; we should do it again sometime.” He stood up, grabbing his empty coffee cup. 

Lu Han stood up abruptly, almost knocking his chair back onto the floor with his movements. “Are we engaged now?”

Minseok laughed. “No. I don’t get engaged on the first date.”

Lu Han felt his cheeks grow warm at the word  _ date _ . “I- you, I- “

“Give me your number. We can go out again.” Minseok held out his phone, asking Lu Han to enter it into his cell. 

Lu Han took the phone, handling it carefully. He had the urge to sniff it but held back. “What do you do for work, sorry I was so busy talking about me,” Lu Han rambled, punching in the digits. 

“I’m a professional cuddler,” Minseok said proudly.

Lu Han looked up from the screen, his number half-entered. “A what?”

“A professional cuddler,” Minseok repeated. 

“What does that mean?” Lu Han had never heard of such a thing. Was it what Minseok’s soon to be ex-harem was into?

“I platonically cuddle with customers. The world is touch starved nowadays. A lot of people need a hug, but can’t get it. So, I give it to them.”

“You’re a…” Lu Han’s face scrunched up. “Hug prostitute?”

Minseok made a face. “ _ What  _ did you just call me?”

Lu Han opened his mouth to repeat what he had said, but Minseok interrupted him. He reached over, snatching his phone away. “Look, never mind. I think it might be better if we don’t meet again.”

Minseok turned and stalked towards the door. Lu Han waited a second before he rushed after him. “Wait, but I thought we could get married. I thought you were going to leave your harem for me. I thought—”

Minseok turned around, his face red with anger. “I have no idea what is wrong with you, nor do I care to find out. Just please, don’t try to find me again.”

When the bells slammed against the glass door, Lu Han felt his heart shatter for the second time. What had he done wrong?

  
  


Years ago, when Minseok had first broken up with his college boyfriend, he spent a week sleeping on Jongdae’s couch and eating tubs of mint ice cream. He had recovered from it, and in retrospect, he had reacted a bit strongly given the situation. 

He knew he was doing it again. 

He shoveled a spoonful of mint ice cream in his mouth, frowning at Baekhyun’s PlayStation sitting on the living room floor. 

“You want to talk about it?” Baekhyun asked, rechecking his phone, hoping his boyfriend would get home soon to deal with his best friend. 

“No,” Minseok answered, shoveling more ice cream into his mouth. He swallowed, feeling an ice cream headache coming on. 

Baekhyun wrung his hands, glancing about, a ball of nervous energy. 

“He was like the perfect guy. Everything I want, okay,” Minseok blurted out. 

“Who was?” Baekhyun asked, settling down to stare at Minseok. 

“But he called me a hug prostitute. A.  Hug. Prostitute. He thinks my job is a joke. “Minseok felt the tears starting to sting the corners of his eyes. “That was so demeaning to me. I don’t even know why it matters that much. I met him twice. He is a stranger pretty much. Why does it matter what he thinks of my job?”

“Well, considering I have no idea what you are talking about, I um, not sure?” Baekhyun said, scooting over on the sofa to put a comforting hand on Minseok’s shoulder. “But if you need me to kick someone’s ass, just say the word.”

“He even owns cats, Baekhyun.  _ Cats.” _ Minseok turned to his friend, tears glistening in his eyes. “And maybe, just like, maybe this mint ice cream is affecting me, but I can admit it. Okay. Maybe I do want somebody. Maybe the cuddling is getting to me. But I want the right one, and he seemed like the right guy.”

“Maybe he meant something else when he said the, uh, P word?” Baekhyun offered. 

Minseok swallowed back a sob. No, Lu Han meant it. He meant what he had said. And Minseok wanted to buy a few missiles and bomb him for it. Metaphorically speaking. 

  
  


“Tell me again, starting from when you walked into the café.” Yixing leaned forward, locking eyes with Lu Han. 

Lu Han sunk back in his desk chair. He stared towards the river, feeling lost. “I saw him and asked him to leave his harem behind.”

“Wait, wait. What did you say to him again? I mean, right before he stormed out.” 

“He was telling me about his job, and I asked him about it.” The memory flashed in Lu Han’s mind. Minseok, beautiful Minseok, grabbing his phone back and storming out, face contorted with rage. He was still undeniably hot even when he was angry. Lu Han sighed wistfully. 

“What did you ask, exactly? Tell me the exact words you used.” Yixing was tenting his fingers again. 

“I asked him if he was a hug prostitute,” Lu Han said quietly. “Yixing, I don’t even understand why asking about his job made him so mad.”

A heavy sigh was heard from Yixing’s direction. “Lu Han, I am going to say this nicely. You’re an idiot.”

“Wait, does that mean those people in the satellite pictures are his clients?” Lu Han asked, bolting up from his chair. “Yixing, what does a professional cuddler do?”

“A huge idiot, Lu Han. You’re a huge idiot.”  Yixing sighed. 

  
  


The application came on a Monday morning. The moment Minseok saw the name he deleted it. Another came that afternoon, and then another the next day. By Friday he had ten from the same person, all deleted. 

On Saturday he finally read it, tired eyes scanning the application before he blocked the IP address from accessing his site. 

_ I didn’t know what a professional cuddler is. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said. Yixing (he’s my friend) called me an idiot every day since then. Please, Minseok, please see me again. We don’t have to cuddle or anything I just want to apologize.  _

Minseok slammed his laptop closed.

  
  


Lu Han paced around his office, only glancing at the river for a moment before turning and walking to the other side of the room. Gone were the pensive, long stares towards the city, full of heartache and longing. Now he was just scared. Terrified, in fact. 

Kim Minseok was probably only showing up to kick his ass, and he deserved it. If only he got out in the world more, spent less time watching soccer with his cats and more time learning the ways of professional cuddlers. He was a moron. Yixing, for once, was right. 

It was half-past eight when Minseok showed up, Yixing seeing him in. The moment the door opened, Lu Han jumped, letting out a small squeal of surprise. He froze, eyes on the doorway, on the drop-dead handsome man, love of his life, who stood glaring back at him. 

Minseok stalked into the room, stopping a few feet away. He stared at Lu Han, his mouth set in a straight line. 

“I’m so, so sorry. Minseok, I’m stupid. I didn’t mean to insult you. I don’t know anything about what you do, and I am a terrible person for that. I don’t know how to make it up to you. I don’t know what to say. I just, I like you, and I really would love to meet your cat and watch soccer with you both and—”

“Do you respect what I do for a living?” Minseok interrupted. 

“Yes. Yes, of course. I mean, when I originally thought you were dating all those people it was kind of—” When Minseok’s lips twitched, Lu Han immediately shut up. Yixing had told him to choose his words carefully and he realized that was not happening. He cleared his throat. “I mean, I didn’t understand what your job entails, but I fully support it. I think it’s a great service to people.”

And he did. The week he had spent feeling like a moron, mulling it all over, had made him come to a realization. Wanting to bomb those he thought were dating Minseok was foolish. Because they weren’t dating, they were platonically cuddling. And even if Yixing said he should reflect on the bombing part as well, that wasn’t the issue. The issue was that he overreacted without knowing the real facts. He had assumed things that weren’t true. And he had woefully misunderstood a very admirable service. 

“Will you stop proposing to me and just take it slow? Get to know me?” 

“B-but we—” Lu Han stopped again. “Of course.” And then it sunk in. Minseok wanted him to get to know him? Lu Han perked up. “You mean we can hang out again?”

“Maybe,” Minseok answered quickly. “It depends on how you behave today.”

“I’ll be good, I swear,” Lu Han promised. 

“Okay. Now come here.” Minseok held his arms open. 

Lu Han stared dumbly, trying to understand what was going on. He didn’t want to make a wrong move. 

“I want to give you a hug,” Minseok said, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh! Of course.” Lu Han moved slowly towards Minseok, steps careful. He felt awkward, leaning in. Minseok’s arms closed around his shoulders, pulling him into a light hug. 

It felt nice. Better than nice, actually. Minseok was shorter than him. Smaller but stronger. Lu Han practically melted into the touch; there was something so comforting about it. He felt like he could do it forever, stand there with Minseok’s arms aroun—

Minseok pulled away, taking a step back. “That will be one hundred dollars.” He held out his hand, palm up. 

Lu Han paled, throat suddenly going dry. 

Minseok laughed, closing his hand. “I’m kidding. The look on your face was priceless.”

Lu Han laughed awkwardly, trying to get the joke. It sounded fake, but what was very real was the swell in his chest, the feeling he had as he watched Minseok smile at him. He felt like there was hope after all. 

  
  
  


_ Seven months later _

 

Minseok settled back into the mound of pillows, a smile on his face. Beside him, three cats were sleeping, cuddled together. The white comforter would be a mess of cat hair, which either Lu Han or Minseok would vacuum up in the morning. It depended on who got up earliest. They had a couple handheld vacuums, one on each side of the bed. The only light on in the room was the lamp on Lu Han’s side of the bed, casting a soft glow. 

They had moved in together a month ago. Lu Han had let the lease on his much bigger apartment go, content to move in with Minseok in his smaller but spotless abode. And Minseok could honestly say he had never been happier. The reservations he had about Lu Han early on were misplaced. He turned out to be genuine, if not a tad bit eccentric and overeager. 

Most importantly, he fully supported Minseok in his professional endeavors. He was a cheerleader for the cuddling movement, in fact, going as far as to promote the business at his company (with promises from Minseok that he would hire more people on if the cuddling demand became too much for him to handle). 

It was nice, having someone that he liked.  _ That he loved _ . Exactly the person he had been looking for, right down to the love of odd numbers (seriously, how many passwords were all 7s was amazing). Minseok let his shoulders relax; his hands clasped on his stomach. He could hear the shower running, Lu Han humming a tune that was muffled by the bathroom door. 

_ Content. _ He was truly content.

He heard the water shut off, Lu Han’s humming getting louder as the sound of the water dissipated. Minseok rolled over onto his side. One of the cats shifted, stretching before cuddling closer to his comrade. 

The bathroom door opened, the padding of footsteps on the wood floor followed. Minseok yawned, stretching his arm over his head. 

“Minseok,” Lu Han whispered. “Are you awake?”

Minseok shut his eyes, pretending to be sleeping, a smile playing on his lips. 

“Minseok?” Lu Han repeated quietly. 

Minseok mocked being asleep, waiting to surprise Lu Han. 

“Look, I should have told you this a long time ago,” Lu Han whispered. “But I’m nervous, so I’m going to tell you now, so I feel comfortable doing it while you’re awake.”

Minseok stilled. What was going on? Was Lu Han going to propose again? He had tried it at least once a month since they started dating, it seemed like he couldn’t help it. Or maybe it was some cheesy love confession. Minseok tried not to bust out laughing, lying very still so Lu Han would continue with whatever he was going to say. 

“I bought a spy satellite and launched it into space to find you. I didn’t want to ask your number at the charity party because it seemed creepy, so I hired a team of people to review millions of photos until they found you. I went to meet you by accident, but you were with a client, and I honestly thought that person was your girlfriend. I spent like a week looking at photos of you and your clients, taken by the spy satellite, convinced you had a harem. And then I was planning on purchasing Soviet-era rockets to shoot at your harem, but Yixing talked me out of it, saying it might start a war.”

Minseok bolted upright, eyes snapping open. “You did what?” he asked, horrified. 

Lu Han screamed, staggering backward. He fell, naked, onto the hardwood floor, crying out when his ass hit the wood with a thud. 

“I just wanted to meet you again,” Lu Han cried out, hurrying away. The commotion woke the cats up, the three of them jumping off and scurrying out of the room in a flurry of cat hair. 

Minseok peered over the bed at his boyfriend, trying to digest what he had just told him. 

“You were faking being asleep!”

“You were going to shoot my clients with missiles?” Minseok countered. 

“Only because I thought they were dating you!” Lu Han clarified. “It was wrong of me.”

“And a spy satellite? Where do you even get one of those?”

“I know people.”

Minseok let out a groan of frustration. Of course, now that he looked back it made sense. He could faintly remember Lu Han mentioning a harem during their first, painful encounter after the charity party. “You are a freak; you know that?”

“But I’m  _ you _ r freak,” Lu Han said, voice a whine. “And I love you.”

Minseok slumped down in the bed, putting his hands on his face. He took a deep breath. “Where is the satellite now?”

“Hanging out in space, I assume,” Lu Han answered. 

“Right. Never mind.” Minseok removed his hands, locking eyes with his very naked, very afraid boyfriend. “Lu Han, never do something like that again, please.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Lu Han struggled to sit up. “Do you hate me?”

Minseok sighed. “No, I don’t hate you.” It was difficult to hate him, even for this. He wasn’t happy, but hatred wasn’t what he was feeling either. 

“Can I still sleep in bed with you?” Lu Han asked, eyes widening hopefully. 

Minseok rolled over to his side of the bed. “Yeah.”

He turned his back towards Lu Han’s side and crossed his arms over his chest. He felt the dip of the mattress when Lu Han crawled in, a moment later the lamp flickered off. It was quiet, the only noise that of the ceiling fan whirring above them. 

“Minseok?” Lu Han whispered after a few minutes had passed. 

“What?” Minseok asked, exasperated. 

“Goodnight, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Minseok murmured. He fell asleep a few minutes later. 

  
  


The first thing Lu Han registered upon waking up was that he was cold. He reached for the blanket, ready to pull it up, but it didn’t work. He yanked his arm towards his middle, groaning. Why couldn’t he reach? His head was fuzzy from sleep, and he was freezing. He smacked his dry lips, wanting desperately to go back to sleep. 

His eyes fluttered open. It was early morning, the sun rising. He squinted reaching again. His arm met resistance. 

“What in the—” He tried again, but his arms wouldn’t cooperate. He yanked harder, feeling a sting on his wrists. Opening his eyes wide he looked to his left, and then to his right, mouth going wide at what he saw. 

His wrists were tied to the headboard, ties from his closet strung around his hands, securing them in place. 

“Minseok!” Lu Han shouted, panicking, trying to flail about and failing. 

“Yes, dear?” a voice came from the end of the bed. 

Lu Han stared down, shocked at what he saw. Minseok was kneeling at the end of the bed, a smile playing on his lips. He was wearing one of Lu Han’s dress shirts. It was too big for him, the top buttons were undone, the fabric hanging off him, revealing his collar bones. His hair was messy from sleep, his cheeks a little swollen from sleep. 

“Why am I tied up?” Lu Han choked, tugging at the restraints. 

“How sorry are you for the satellite thing?” Minseok asked, tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip. 

Lu Han stopped resisting. He gaped, feeling his dick twitch with interest. His panic was gone, his libido kicking in. “W-why?” he sputtered, mind starting to conjure up impossibly divine scenarios. Minseok was half-naked, sexy as hell, and he was tied up. 

Minseok crawled towards him, the fabric slipping off one shoulder, revealing his smooth skin. He blinked at Lu Han, the picture of innocence. “I can’t let this go with just an apology,” he hummed, stopping with his arms on each side of Lu Han’s thighs. 

Lu Han desperately wanted to reach for him, to pull him closer until their lips could touch, until he could feel Minseok’s body pressed flush against his own. He wanted to put his hands on his boyfriend, run them up Minseok’s sides, squeeze the ass that he loved. But he couldn’t. 

Lu Han groaned, his dick hardening. “Babe, I am so, so sorry.”

“We’ll see about that,” Minseok smirked. He rolled away, off to his side of the bed. Lu Han followed him with his eyes, tugging uselessly at the restraints. 

Minseok kneeled, facing his boyfriend. His small fingers went to the buttons of the shirt, fingers playing with them. He moved his head to the side, giving Lu Han a perfect view of his neck and collarbones. When he undid the first button, Lu Han felt his breath hitch. 

“Please, babe, please untie me,” Lu Han begged. It was insane how aroused Minseok made him. How just the sight of him like this could drive him mad with desire. 

Minseok shook his head. One button slipped through the hole. His fingers traced the fabric lower, to the next. With each button that he undid, more of his chest and abdomen were exposed, the material of the dress shirt slipping away to reveal his naked body. 

He was beautiful. His chest, his middle, well defined with lean muscle. Smooth from the waxing he insisted on having done. Lu Han wanted to touch, to taste, so bad it was maddening. 

He could see the tent in Minseok’s front; the loose fabric not entirely disguising his erection. Lu Han watched with hungry eyes as the shirt went lower, falling around Minseok’s shoulders. 

“Do you remember the first time you fucked me?” Minseok asked, tracing against the hem of his shirt with the tips of his fingers. 

“Yeah,” Lu Han rasped, mind going to months ago, back at his apartment. They had ended up in the kitchen, Minseok bent over the counter, Lu Han taking him hard and fast from behind. It was the first of many times that night, the pair breaking in several places in Lu Han’s apartment within several hours. They were insatiable, addicted to each other’s touch. 

The last button was undone, Minseok gangly pushing the remaining fabric away. “I’ve never been fucked like that before,” he said. “I’ve never felt something that good.”

Lu Han whimpered, wrists chafing against the fabric ties. 

Minseok pushed the shirt away, letting it fall from his arms and pool around him. His hard cock was flushed, on full display. He had muscular thighs, which Lu Han loved to explore with his mouth and with his hands. He could make out small red spots, faded from the last time they had made love a few days before. 

“Nothing can make me feel as good as your dick.” Minseok purred, his hand going to stroke his cock. He pumped it lazily, sucking in his bottom lip. “You know how to fuck me the way I need it.”

Lu Han thought he would go insane. He could feel the blood rush to his groin. He wanted to touch. He needed to touch. But he couldn’t. 

Minseok reclined back, spreading his legs. He continued stroking his cock, eyes locked with Lu Han’s. “I love when you’re in me, when you fuck me like it will the last time.”

“Please, I want to touch you, please,” Lu Han begged. 

Minseok shook his head no. “Your punishment,” he reminded him quietly. 

At this point, Lu Han would destroy every satellite in space if it meant he could touch Minseok again. Why had he ever thought that was a good idea?

Minseok shifted, moving so his back was towards Lu Han. Lu Han strained his neck to watch, to see what Minseok was doing. He could hear him opening the drawer of his nightstand, taking something out. 

And then Minseok was moving again, adjusting his position until he was on his hands and knees on the bed, ass jutting out towards Lu Han. 

“Fucking hell,” Lu Han groaned. He loved Minseok’s ass. It was perfect. So fucking perfect. 

Minseok wiggled it, teasing before letting his head lull forward, his hand reaching back to spread one cheek. It revealed a small plug, the silver and black one that Lu Han had bought him for their four-month universe. Lube glistened around his hole, the plug buried inside. 

“It isn’t as good as you, but it gets me ready,” Minseok rasped. He reached pulling at the head of the plug, pushing it deeper once before pulling it out slowly.

The site of Minseok’s hole, puckered and clenching on air, made Lu Han more desperate. He resumed his struggle to free himself, but to no avail. 

“I won’t have you this morning, but I have the next best thing,” Minseok said. His hand returned, but this time he had a dildo, a long and thick purple one that Lu Han had never seen before. It was well lubed and ridged. 

Minseok turned, looking over his shoulder as he pressed the head of it inside. “I like being breached. I like—” He gasped, pressing the toy inside. “I like being filled.”

“Push it deeper, harder,” Lu Han keened, knowing he couldn’t do it himself. He was still struggling, but if he couldn’t be free the least he could do was voice his desire. 

Minseok ignored him. He pressed it inside slowly, his back arching as it stretched him. “Hmmm, it feels good,” he hummed, sucking it in inch by inch. Once it was to the base, he removed his hand, bracing himself on his hands and knees. 

“I hate that toy right now,” Lu Han moaned, rutting his hips uselessly. 

It began to vibrate, humming as Minseok’s ass jiggled with the toy’s movements. 

“So full,” Minseok gasped. 

Lu Han could see Minseok’s fingers fisting the bed sheets, his ass flushing pink as the toy moved inside of him. 

Lu Han watched, helplessly aroused, his dick leaking pre-cum on his stomach. Low, throaty noises of pleasure escaped Minseok’s lips as the toy vibrated in his hole. Lu Han could see him clench around it, could see the way he responded to each bolt of pleasure, his back arching slightly, fingers digging into the bedspread with more enthusiasm. 

“Tell me how you would fuck me right now?” Minseok asked, a low and raspy string of words punctuated by a low moan. 

“I’d fucking bend you over this bed. I’d fuck you until you couldn’t walk,” Lu Han choked. “I’d drive into your prostate so hard you’d cry, you’d beg for more.”

“Yeah,” Minseok arched his back. “Would you come in me? Fill me so full?”

“Fuck, yes. I’d come in you, and I’d eat it out of you.” Lu Han could feel the tightening in his abdomen, the tensing of his muscles. His toes curled as he imagined doing what he was describing, at driving into Minseok’s ass again and again. At being the one who elicited the moans, the noises of pleasure, instead of the toy. 

Minseok let his face fall into the bed covers, letting out a noise of pure pleasure as the vibrations intensified. 

“I’d fuck you again after, bend your legs so I could see your face,” Lu Han grunted. He could feel it, the heat, the tightening, the maddening approach that didn’t seem possible.

“Yes, fuck yes,” Minseok moaned. “I’m gonna, I think—”

“Come on baby, come on,” Lu Han urged, feeling his release approach. 

He cried out, muscles contracting, as he shot his load onto his stomach, coming untouched. Minseok followed a second later, coming with the toy buried inside of him, his cum spurting onto the bedspread. 

Lu Han gasped, sucking in a deep breath, arms going lax in the restraints. How in the hell had he come untouched? That had never happened to him before; he didn’t even think it was possible. 

Deep breathing, both men regaining their breath. Minseok gasped as he angled back, removing the toy. 

Lu Han felt dizzy, sweat dripping from his forehead. “Please untie me now,” he said, feeling boneless but wanting to be free. 

Minseok sat up. He looked wrecked, sweat glistening on his face, cheeks flush. “No,” he answered simply, climbing off the bed. 

“What?! Why?” Lu Han tugged at the restraints, post-orgasm haze instantly dispersing. 

Minseok moved, padding over towards the bathroom door with uneven steps. “I have to take a shower, and then I have a client meeting. Sorry, too busy to untie you now. But I’ll be back in a few hours,” he said over his shoulder, despairing into the bathroom. 

Lu Han groaned, knowing Minseok meant it. He would be tied up for a few more hours; all said he probably deserved it. 

Stupid. Fucking. Satellite. 

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies to any professional cuddlers out there that may take offense. I tried to portray your profession as respectfully and not-Luhan like as I could but I probably f-ed it up. /runs
> 
> /runs back to say come say hi on twitter @london9calling


End file.
